Concerning Star Wars Kinect

Honest, does this little shrimp look like you?

Now that exactly fifteen people have asked me if I've heard about the "disgrace" called  Star Wars Kinect since it came out, I'm going to put my full reaction here for the record.

I'll go ahead and say it; the fanbase response is patently ridiculous. Why should the fans even care? Is anyone forcing you to play this game? Is this game targeted at your demographic? Was this game somehow meant to expand canon? No, nope, and never respectively. Older, jaded Star Wars fans are just using this as another flimsy excuse to indulge in their favorite pastime - shitting on George Lucas. In all honestly, I find this reaction and the practice it stems from mortally embarrassing as a fan of the franchise.

Seriously. If you're over the age of 16, LucasArts gives exactly zero fucks about what you think of Star Wars Kinect. This is not your toy.

This is like saying that having Star Wars baby toys is somehow an abomination that will forever taint the franchise. They aren't making baby toys for you -- they honestly don't care what you think on the matter. They're selling these toys so parents who are fans can get age-appropriate toys for their children. They aren't expecting a single male 20-something to buy this, and I highly doubt anyone is going to think less or Han Solo because he's made into a child-safe figurine.

Speaking of Solo, people seem to be harping on the inclusion of a dancing mini-game where you control different characters' dancing to songs parodying popular tunes.Namely, the song "I'm Han Solo," a parody of "Ridin' Solo," seems to be drawing the most flak. The whole thing is pretty silly in general, with Han and some Bespin security guards dancing with different movie-based poses and other such physical comedy. Not my cup of tea, but I bet this would be great fun for little kids or drunken parties.

If you're feeling particularly brave, here's the video, but be warned; the cheese is strong with this one.

What's so frustrating is that people seem think that LucasArts somehow doesn't know what they're doing is silly and are taking this as if it were some sort of change to canon, comparing it to the whole "Han shot first" fiasco. I agree, Han did shoot first, but this is an entirely different scenario. No one is saying that Han Solo actually did a breakdance before being frozen in carbonite. Heck, if they had done the same thing on any of the Family Guy parodies of the trilogy, people would be in stitches over this. Apparently Lucasfilms Ltd. isn't allowed to do anything that makes light of their own franchises.

Above: the fan reaction to the Portal DLC.

What I find especially frustrating is that this is another event in a continuing trend of entitled fanbases insisting that the franchise is somehow theirs before it is the creator's. The first big hit of this in recent memory was with Portal 2's day-one DLC, where you could buy cosmetic features for the multiplayer mode for about $0.99 apiece. Fans threw a tantrum over this insisting that this was somehow robbing them of vital game content, causing them to score-bomb Portal 2 on Metacritic as some sort of vigilante cyber-justice. More recently, we have the outcry over the ending of Mass Effect 3, which is disappointing in its own right. I've heard all the talking points and I don't need to hear them again -- I simply think these are unacceptably immature responses to trivial matters. The story of Mass Effect is not yours to "retake" simply because it was never yours, much in the same manner as Star Wars. People try to defend this by saying that you wouldn't go back and change the Mona Lisa. It is true that I would never do so, but I certainly wouldn't stop Leonardo DaVinci from changing it. It's his art -- not the public's. If we want people to take gaming seriously in society, we need to stop acting like petulant children whenever we don't get our way.

In any case, this is getting a bit off topic. Maybe a different article perhaps? We'll see. Back to Kinect.

With the saturation of mature-content games on the market, it really is getting harder to find things that are appropriate for pre-teens that aren't either a bit too edgy (most FPS's) or rather condescending (Cooking Mama) in content. All things considered, I honestly think I'd rather have my nine-year old playing with Star Wars Kinect rather than Force Unleashed or Mass Effect. It's clean fun, it's from a popular franchise, it'll keep them occupied for a while, and you can actually get them to get off their butts and do something. (which I'm now beginning to appreciate as an extremely difficult thing to do in the digital age).

To make a final reiteration for any of you doubters that may be reading this, I want you to look me in the eye and tell me "George Lucas will make breakdancing competitions between Han Solo and Emperor Papaltine canon" with a straight face. I have yet to find anyone who can.

Doc Watson is the founder of the GameRx Clinic and editor for the RedShirt Crew. He can play "Cantina Band" on clarinet, thinks Episode IV: A New Hope was the best story in the series, and thinks Star Wars: Podracing for Nintendo 64 was the best game of the franchise and was extremely underrated. If you have any questions, comments, or input, he'd love to hear it! Just leave a comment on this post or send him a Tweet @DocWatsonMD