Off Topic: Oh no, not Miracle Whip again...

This post is a bit outside of the gaming purview of the blog, but it's something that's been bothering me. I thought I'd seen the end of this dumb marketing campaign ages ago. If you're in the states, I'm almost certain you know which ones I mean from the title -- a seductive female voice tells you about how cool and trendy Miracle Whip is for all you hip kids out there while attractive, smiling youths in fashionable clothes pose suggestively with jars of mayonnaise, all filmed with a shaky camera while abstract shapes float through the background. Classy stuff.

Needless to say, I was a bit disappointed when I opened The Onion today to find an edgy Miracle Whip graffiti splash sprawling over the top stories.

Kraft, I'm no market analyst, but I think you're trying way too hard on this one. Remember what you're selling. You're selling mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. No, I don't care that it's technically "salad dressing" because it doesn't meet FDA mayonnaise standards. This commercial makes it feel like you're somehow in denial that you aren't just another brand of generic sandwich spread. Saying that we need to "open our minds" and try your painfully generic product feels a little condescending. This isn't some sort of life-changing or transcendental experience. It's a condiment. Accept it and market it as such.

I understand that the nature of these ads means they aren't supposed to inform, like the eTrade baby commercials and that goddamn pig from Geico.Thing is, stocks and insurance are things that are tricky to explain in fifteen seconds to the average consumer. These are things that have a high chance of relevancy to the consumer, as they might be considering car insurance or investing in stock. After all, studies show that people really like money. Choosing a stock broker or insurance provider can be really tricky, stuff even when you understand what's going on -- but remembering that one funny commercial with the talking duck might make you consider looking at Aflac first in your research. Therein lies the power of silly commercials - it can tip the scales ever so slightly in your favor at key decision points, and sometimes that's all it takes.

I highly doubt there are that many people on the fence about Miracle Whip.

I mean this honestly. This is like saying margarine is better than butter because it's so much cooler and different. You can make some very valid points about how one can be better than the other, even if you just say "new improved taste" or that there's no cholesterol. Saying "don't be so butter" is not the same calibre and just gets more annoying the more you try to force it on us.

Regardless of what I may think of the ads, they seem to be floating around as part of a still-active campaign. This of course lends itself to two conclusions -- either they're delusional and think it's working, or this ham-handed campaign is actually increasing revenue. I don't know which I find more upsett-...wait a minute.

I've made a huge mistake.

Doc Watson is the founder of the GameRx Clinic and a co-editor of the RedShirt Crew Blog. He likes silly ties, old cars, and caesar salad. If you have any questions, thoughts, or anything else you want to add, you can post a comment below or send him a Tweet at @DocWatsonMD.